Dissecting Akshay Kumar- Rekha's makeout song, Yinddaanyyte no control
Please watch from beginning to 6:15 minutes for the dissection. (You got to have a lot of free time!! heheheh!!)
The scene ends where turns out Akshay Kumar has saved Rekha. Akshay Kumar says khatra abhi tala nahi hai Maya and she somehow gets turned on- must be some strange car perfume. She looks at him and says turned on, kahaan hai khatra. He looks and she says… oh tum (ya, bimbo!) and she says kya logey, meri jaan… toh le lo na… now, you see, the secret of the film script which even the director could not translate well, but I think Akshay Kumar's character has a phonetic defect. Which is why, when Rekha says kya logey, meri jaan, le lo na, he assumes something else instead of jaan, that rhymes with jaan, and is a crude word for the human posterior.
SO, in true Hindi film style, he bends towards her neck, she bends towards his and they make it look like they would kiss… unless the Punjabi boy burped his lassi or Madrasi Amma farted her idli.
Then somehow taking a cinematic liberty and booking a bungalow in Madh Island as location, the setting moves to another place where they start with blood oozing out of his mouth and her being pushed on to a cot (Sturdiness check, done!) and she goes- even naughty girls need llooooovvve! And its hard to tell if its Rekha or Suneeta Rao who need action badly… and then she pouts- her lips curled up looking as big as a snooker ball and she wipes the blood off his lip with a glove adorned hand (naughty girls need glovvve also, Sunita amma, Rekha amma?) and she licks it off… Maggi hawt and sweet sauce, its different!
Notice the Marylyn Monroe in her room… wishing she would really not be around, even in spirit to see she has inspired a cow to wear such clothes. Hamma dekh, anyone? Then she heart beats dhak raised to the power of 8 and it says Love me raised to the power of 3 as they move down towards the poolside area… Akshay Kumar in his Fear factor avatar- wanting to say KUDO!! Jump!! Kuch nahi hoga! Kudo!! Enter hideous Rekha in a dry hair freaky hair do, bright red lipstick that covered her upper lip, and lenses stolen from Harmesh Malhotra’s Nagina, dropping her stole and seeming whole- of Chennai… in her tigress outfit! Look closely. If sources are believed, the tigers saw this youtube clip and lost their mojo and hence we only have 1411 left! Arrest Rekha!!
But look, now she changes her outfit into a stretchable gown, black in color to hide her fat! You can run the run, but you cant hide the hyde Zohrabai!
And although it is said that Akshay got a back problem because he lifted the actor who played Undertaker, the real reason is at 1:48 where he has to lift in gallons of rasam that is frolicking in what seems like a nightie dunked in antacid medicine Diegene!
And then Rekha feels hunger pangs, so they move onto the kitchen. What you see in long shots of Akshay Kumar are not brown coloured trousers, those are hairy legs. But he shifts focus to feeding a blind folded Rekha, what seemed to me like chyawanprash, then an apple, to keep, maybe Dr Sriram Nene away? And then chocolate sauce on his hand. Somehow, the feeding is hurried, so she hasn’t swallowed the apple, whose bits drop out as she gets on his hairy hand to lick the chocolate sauce off. Bohot padhi licky aurat hai!
And then they get into a mud bath… or is it chocolate sauce again? Her hips don’t lie you see! And you cant really make out which one is who in that scene. For all you know, it could have been Hemant Birje and Kimi Katkar! This is called disguised unemployment.
And then they call up for the BMC water tanker and get multiple showers because it takes time to bathe a hairy bear and a dirty buffalo. Somehow she sings and goes to her bedroom in her bed clothes- which is when the line should have been in the NIGHTIE no control… but well… the song almost gets over as Akshay Kumar gets up and says Nahi Maya nahi… and Maya’s like- WTF??? After all this, aagey nahi??? Itna starters kha ke bolta hai main course ke liye jagah nahi? dessert kha ke bolta hai, Main diet par hoon? Meri nighty, mera, shower, mera gown, mera des, kisika kuch nahi? Khaya piya kuch nahi, glass toda bara aana? WTF??
But Akshay Kumar says iski tumhe alag si keemat chukani padegi… and Rekha’s like- now how do I go to Bank of Madras? He says you bid for my power, paid my price and bought my moment. I never disappointed you… She goes- hrmph!!! I booked the location. I got Sunita Rao to record a song, I did lip sync and we did everything that youngsters do… and with my stamina of a 50 year old, you know how tough it is to do those moves. Now, hum tumhe poori tarah haasil karna chahte hai… Sara hershey’s sauce ka carton pada hai… wo kaise khatam hoga? (Looking at his hairy chest) uski keemat bolo!! He says matha jhooka kar (you go, yeah baby!), apni sooni (yeah baby!!) maang ko meri chutki bhar sindoor se bharna hoga (no baby!!!) Rekha’s like- oh man, now THAT I have done with Jeetendra in all my movies in 70’s. This lad wants me to do it again!! Yeah karna tha toh Daily soap nahi kar leti!!! :P
SO, in true Hindi film style, he bends towards her neck, she bends towards his and they make it look like they would kiss… unless the Punjabi boy burped his lassi or Madrasi Amma farted her idli.
Then somehow taking a cinematic liberty and booking a bungalow in Madh Island as location, the setting moves to another place where they start with blood oozing out of his mouth and her being pushed on to a cot (Sturdiness check, done!) and she goes- even naughty girls need llooooovvve! And its hard to tell if its Rekha or Suneeta Rao who need action badly… and then she pouts- her lips curled up looking as big as a snooker ball and she wipes the blood off his lip with a glove adorned hand (naughty girls need glovvve also, Sunita amma, Rekha amma?) and she licks it off… Maggi hawt and sweet sauce, its different!
Notice the Marylyn Monroe in her room… wishing she would really not be around, even in spirit to see she has inspired a cow to wear such clothes. Hamma dekh, anyone? Then she heart beats dhak raised to the power of 8 and it says Love me raised to the power of 3 as they move down towards the poolside area… Akshay Kumar in his Fear factor avatar- wanting to say KUDO!! Jump!! Kuch nahi hoga! Kudo!! Enter hideous Rekha in a dry hair freaky hair do, bright red lipstick that covered her upper lip, and lenses stolen from Harmesh Malhotra’s Nagina, dropping her stole and seeming whole- of Chennai… in her tigress outfit! Look closely. If sources are believed, the tigers saw this youtube clip and lost their mojo and hence we only have 1411 left! Arrest Rekha!!
But look, now she changes her outfit into a stretchable gown, black in color to hide her fat! You can run the run, but you cant hide the hyde Zohrabai!
And although it is said that Akshay got a back problem because he lifted the actor who played Undertaker, the real reason is at 1:48 where he has to lift in gallons of rasam that is frolicking in what seems like a nightie dunked in antacid medicine Diegene!
And then Rekha feels hunger pangs, so they move onto the kitchen. What you see in long shots of Akshay Kumar are not brown coloured trousers, those are hairy legs. But he shifts focus to feeding a blind folded Rekha, what seemed to me like chyawanprash, then an apple, to keep, maybe Dr Sriram Nene away? And then chocolate sauce on his hand. Somehow, the feeding is hurried, so she hasn’t swallowed the apple, whose bits drop out as she gets on his hairy hand to lick the chocolate sauce off. Bohot padhi licky aurat hai!
And then they get into a mud bath… or is it chocolate sauce again? Her hips don’t lie you see! And you cant really make out which one is who in that scene. For all you know, it could have been Hemant Birje and Kimi Katkar! This is called disguised unemployment.
And then they call up for the BMC water tanker and get multiple showers because it takes time to bathe a hairy bear and a dirty buffalo. Somehow she sings and goes to her bedroom in her bed clothes- which is when the line should have been in the NIGHTIE no control… but well… the song almost gets over as Akshay Kumar gets up and says Nahi Maya nahi… and Maya’s like- WTF??? After all this, aagey nahi??? Itna starters kha ke bolta hai main course ke liye jagah nahi? dessert kha ke bolta hai, Main diet par hoon? Meri nighty, mera, shower, mera gown, mera des, kisika kuch nahi? Khaya piya kuch nahi, glass toda bara aana? WTF??
But Akshay Kumar says iski tumhe alag si keemat chukani padegi… and Rekha’s like- now how do I go to Bank of Madras? He says you bid for my power, paid my price and bought my moment. I never disappointed you… She goes- hrmph!!! I booked the location. I got Sunita Rao to record a song, I did lip sync and we did everything that youngsters do… and with my stamina of a 50 year old, you know how tough it is to do those moves. Now, hum tumhe poori tarah haasil karna chahte hai… Sara hershey’s sauce ka carton pada hai… wo kaise khatam hoga? (Looking at his hairy chest) uski keemat bolo!! He says matha jhooka kar (you go, yeah baby!), apni sooni (yeah baby!!) maang ko meri chutki bhar sindoor se bharna hoga (no baby!!!) Rekha’s like- oh man, now THAT I have done with Jeetendra in all my movies in 70’s. This lad wants me to do it again!! Yeah karna tha toh Daily soap nahi kar leti!!! :P
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